


It's Been Noted

by DarkCellar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), kylux - Fandom
Genre: Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Crushes, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Diary/Journal, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, Friendship/Love, Gay Male Character, General Hux - Freeform, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied Kylux, Implied Relationships, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylux - Freeform, LGBTQ Themes, Loneliness, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Romantic Fluff, Secret Crush, Senpai Notice Me, Short & Sweet, Short Story, Soft Kylux, Star Wars - Freeform, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015) - Freeform, The Force Awakens, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:36:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12790791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkCellar/pseuds/DarkCellar
Summary: Writing down your thoughts in a journal can be a great form of therapy for those who have difficult to express feelings.Kylo Ren has employed this archaic (yet charming) practice of keeping track of his days in a journal. Exercising his mind has opened up his eyes to many things, and people, that would otherwise go unnoticed by him.People like his fellow commander, Armitage Hux.





	It's Been Noted

He was standing with his arms clasped behind his back, staring out the large viewport at the grounds below. It was snowing again, the cold light illuminating what little of Kylo's black helmet that Hux could see in the reflection of the glass.

Since the battle and loss of Starkiller, Kylo Ren had become a markedly different man. He was sober and silent, rarely speaking a word unless somebody spoke to him first. Even the temper for which he was known had seemingly cooled, his reactions to the events around him calm and controlled.

He spent a great deal more time engaged in training and in conference with Snoke than he had before. Hux was not versed in the ways of the Force, nor did he have permission from either Snoke or Ren to attend any of the numerous sessions they held.

Not that he would have wanted to.

But 'different' Ren was indeed.

The two weren't precisely friends (The First Order had no place for such sentimental tripe) but they were far from enemies. There was a subtle professional rivalry that existed between them, but, given the nature of their work, it would have been strange if there hadn't been.

Regardless of all this, new attitude or not, Hux still approached Kylo Ren the way he always had, and probably always would: as a motion-sensitive explosive.

He cleared his throat and walked up to Ren's side, standing quietly until he had his attention.

"Yes?"

"Good morning, Ren. Sorry to bother you but I need your signature on these requisition forms."

It was a new rule that Snoke had employed: whenever he was unavailable to give the final sign-off on time sensitive documents, Kylo Ren's signature would be required instead. Hux believed that this was Snoke's way of giving Kylo Ren more responsibility, and forcing him to take an active interest in what went on at the base.

Ren took the forms from him and read them over carefully. As he read, he kept absently touching the side of his helmet.

"Do you have a pen?"

Hux handed Ren a pen, and Ren scribbled his name at the bottom of each form. Then he handed everything back to Hux with a nod, before turning back to the shining glass.

Hux knew he should go; it was obvious that Kylo wanted to be alone. Yet he couldn't help but wonder what Kylo was staring at so intently outside. The snow couldn't be THAT interesting, could it?

As if reading his mind (which, very likely, he WAS), Kylo turned his face slightly towards Hux and said,

"Are you familiar with the saying that no two snowflakes are ever exactly alike?"

Hux was surprised, that Kylo would say something so random to him.

"No, I don't believe I am," Hux answered back honestly. "Where did you hear that?"

"I read it once, actually. The theory is of a scientific basis, based on the law of probability. They say the same holds true for people, but I don't know if I believe _that_."

"Why not?", Hux asked. He was intrigued; as sad as it was, this was likely the most interesting conversation he had held in weeks.

"I think the rarity, General Hux, is in finding a person who's NOT the same as everybody else."

Before Hux could think of a reply to that, the Com that Ren wore on his wrist began to blink. Ren looked at it and sighed.

"I'll see you later, General," he said, then strode off down the hallway without looking back.

\---

Hux marched along the hallways of the base, peering into random rooms as he glided along the cold, shining floors.  
It was late, going on 0200 hours, and General Hux _should_ have retired hours ago. Yet ever since the . . . incident, he had been finding himself more restless, more on edge, than ever before.

Apparently, Starkiller had effected him in more ways than one. 

Hux was a restless sleeper as it was, but when you added in that, now, 90% of his dreams involved fiery explosions . . .

And he knew he wasn't the only one, who felt like this.

With Snoke's (begrudging) permission, this new base had implemented a trauma counseling center. Many stormtroopers and crew members had lost friends and comrades at Starkiller, and needed help coping with those seemingly insurmountable losses.

For the troopers it was especially difficult. Their training was such as that they were raised together since childhood. They were taught to think of one another not just as soldiers in arms, but family. Considering these men and women were taken from their 'real' families before any sort of bond had the chance to form, the familial constructs in the F.O. were very real, very felt. 

Hux himself had lost a great deal of staff that he cared for very much; individuals that had been with him since he first came to the First Order. But he would never make use of the counseling center. Such a thing would have gone against the way he had been raised; to exhibit strength, fortitude, and, most importantly, _to keep everything inside._

The fact that the Rebels had gotten inside of Starkiller in the first place due to the help of one of the First Order's own, a rogue trooper by the designation of FN-2187, was a thorn in Hux's side that refused to go away.

He prided himself on the training that his Officers gave the troops, and was proud of the army they had built. To know that this sort of defection was even **possible** was highly unsettling. Security measures had been stepped up ten-fold, and suspicion was at an all-time high.

As Hux stalked along, tired and sore, he came across a door that was slightly ajar. Getting closer, Hux saw that it was the Map room--and that somebody was inside.

A man was in there, sitting at the table.

His body was turned away from Hux, poring over the bundle of maps on the table. He was searching the paper maps, not the new updated holos.

The parchment on which the maps were drawn filled the room with an old, dusty smell, and it created a slight tickle in Hux's nose.

Whoever the man was, he was wearing a black tunic, exposing bare arms, and black pants that just dusted the cold floor. The man's head was bent, and his hand was ruffling through his hair, which was a thick tangle of smooth-looking raven locks, that just barely touched the base of his neck.

"You there," Hux said in a gruff voice. "This is a restricted area, only level 10 Personnel are allowed in here."

Without turning around, the man said in an annoyed voice "It's me, you dolt. And I'm level 100."

Still, Hux did not know who he was speaking to. The voice, while deep and mildly pleasant-sounding, was unfamiliar to him.

He was about to ask "Me, who?", and would have felt ridiculous in doing so, when the man in question spoke again, as if he had heard the confusion in Hux's mind.

"Ren."

Hux took an actual step backwards when he said that, surprised. This couldn't _actually_ be Kylo Ren, could it? As embarrassing as it was to admit this, the General was genuinely unsure as to the validity of the man's claim. In the many years he had been working with The First Order, Hux had never seen Kylo Ren without his helmet, or, for that matter, the full regalia of his over-robes and cowl. If it really _was_ him, this was the most underdressed Hux had ever seen him before.

He had never heard his actual voice, either, without the filter of the voice modulator in his helmet.

Hux folded his arms across his chest, and stared warily at the back of this possible intruder. "All right then, 'Kylo Ren'; if you are who you say you are, prove it. What number am I think--"

Hux's datapad floated out of his pocket and into the air, spinning around in circles above Hux's head until it flew into the man's outstretched hand. He caught it and set it down on the table in front of him.

He still had not turned around.

"The 'number' thing is tedious; but was THAT enough 'proof' for you?"

Hux uttered a laugh and nodded his head, even through he knew Kylo couldn't see him do that.

"What are you doing?", Hux couldn't help but ask him, still standing by the door.

"I couldn't sleep, so I came in here to read."

"To read--maps? That doesn't sound terribly exciting."

"Then our ideas of excitement differ, apparently. Either way, you are interrupting my quiet time, General Hux."

"Apologies, Lord Ren," Hux said sarcastically. "I suppose I'll take my leave then, and go back to my quarters and sleep. Which is what _normal_ people do at this hour."

"Don't let me hold you up."  
"One thing, though; if it's not too much of a bother, may I have my datapad back?"

Kylo heaved a heavy sigh, and grabbed Hux's datapad off of the table.

He turned around, facing him.  
On Starkiller, when his men informed him that the prisoner Poe Dameron, the pilot they had captured from the Resistance, had escaped, Hux had remained calm.

When they told him FN-2187 had been the one to aide the pilot in his escape, he had remained calm.  
When the scanners picked up a contingent of Resistance ships in their vicinity, launching an attack on the base, he had remained calm.

But _this_ . . . 

When Kylo turned around and Hux saw, for the first time, his **face** , well . . .

The first thought that made itself known in Hux's stunned mind was "He's so _young_!"

He knew that Kylo was only about 3 years younger than him, and Hux was in his early 30's, but still.

Kylo had the smooth, unlined face of a teenage boy. His skin was pale but his cheeks were a healthy, faint pink. His lips were unusually full for a man, and dark in color, fringing almost on completely red. He had a prominent strong jawline, a long, toned neck, and heavy dark eyebrows. A mostly-healed scar ran from the middle of his cheek to just below the bridge of his nose. Scattered across his face were tiny dark moles, matching the color of his hair.

But perhaps most amazing of all were his eyes. They were wide, and deep, the color somewhere between darkest black and a rich, warm brown. And they were expressive. Framed by heavy lashes, they were the eyes of a wandering traveler, or a soulful poet.

And they were looking at Hux with a mix of amusement, and agitation.

Now his lips were moving, and Hux had to pull himself together to hear the words he was speaking to him.

"Excuse me?" Hux asked, embarrassed. He felt his facial expression return to its normal, indifferent stare--but inside he didn't feel like that at all. Inside, he felt like everything had ripped loose from its moorings, and was tumbling around inside his body, making him dizzy. He had never experienced so intense a feeling before, and he wasn't even sure what the feeling **was**.

Kylo gave him a slow blink in response, then shoved Hux's datapad, hard, into his chest.

"I said, here. Take this already, and leave me in peace."

Hux took the device silently, and Kylo just as silently turned around and went back to the table, bending his head over the maps once more.

When he did this, Hux felt both a strong relief, and a mild disappointment.

He didn't want to leave.

He risked being yelled at, to quietly, sneakily cross the distance between them, and look over Kylo's shoulder, at the maps he was looking at.

Kylo felt his presence and twisted around, glaring at him.

"General, is there something I can help you with?"

"I'm just curious about the exciting part of what you're doing," Hux answered with a smirk. "Also, in case this isn't obvious, I can't sleep, either. Hence why I'm walking around at this ungodly hour."

"Surely you can find _somebody else_ that you can harass right now," Kylo replied, rolling up the maps and carefully returning them to their appropriate shelves.

"Nobody awake."

"Then perhaps it'd be best you followed everyone's lead, and went to sleep, yourself."

Kylo walked around him and was about to exit the room into the hallway, when Hux called out to him, pausing him.

"So long as we _both_ are afflicted with sleeplessness, why don't you come back to my office with me? Have a drink, maybe?"

Hux could see from his face that he was wavering, something that would have been undetectable, had Kylo been wearing the helmet. He used the indecision to his advantage.

"Or, if it interests you, I have actual food in there. Not rations but _real_ food."

"Where did you get food?", Kylo asked him. Hux could tell he was trying to sound indifferent, but his body language gave away his interest. He had turned fully towards the redhead, giving him his full attention, leaning in his direction, and he had a ghost of a smile teasing the corners of his lips.

"That's classified information," Hux told him, brushing past him and into the hallway, heading towards his office. He hoped against hope that Kylo was following him; but he didn't want to appear over-eager by turning his head and looking behind himself, to see. He got to the door of his office and punched in the access code, and stepped back as the doors slid open. He chanced taking a glance to the side, and was pleased that Kylo had indeed followed him.

He turned on the lights and walked behind his desk, bringing out the bottle of liquor he had stashed in the bottom drawer. Behind him, Kylo sat down in the single chair on the opposite side of Hux's desk.

Hux walked to the large gray file cabinet in the corner, and lifted a covered plate from off the top. Beneath the protective wrap was an assortment of goodies: a slice of eopie cream pie, a small dish of blue milk custard, gelmeat, loop pastries, a succulent-looking blumfruit muffin, and a few other odds and ends.

"I'm afraid I only have one glass," Hux said, pouring a generous amount of Bloodsour into the cup and pushing it across the desk towards Kylo, "I'm usually a solitary drinker. So I hope you won't be disgusted to see me drink out of the bottle."

"Hux -- where did you GET all this food?", Kylo asked suspiciously, his eyes roaming over the large, loaded-down plate.

"I told you, that's classified," Hux said, taking a swig from the bottle. The liquor went smoothly down his throat, then set off a mini explosion in his belly.

Kylo rolled his eyes and picked up the muffin, nibbling at it. His expression shifted into one of pleasure, and he let out a tiny sigh of contentment.

"It's been so long since I've had actual food," he said, washing down a bite of muffin with some of the liquor.

"I know what you mean; that plate was actually quite a bit fuller, at the beginning of this week. I'm afraid I've been gorging myself every night. So please, help me and eat a lot, before I become a Bantha."

Kylo smiled, and then Hux was introduced to another first: Kylo's laugh. The sound of it was surprisingly lighthearted, considering its source, and hearing it made Hux laugh a bit as well.

That was another first. Hux had heard laughter plenty of times, yes. But this was the first time (in recent memory, anyway) that he was hearing laughter of which his own was a part.

It sounded nice.

It ended much too soon, however, as Kylo picked up another delicacy from the plate, this time the little bowl of blue milk custard.

After a few bites, he said, somewhat awkwardly, "My mother used to make this all the time, when I was a boy. I always hated it. But since I left home, I find myself craving it."

Hux nodded thoughtfully. He wanted to ask more about that situation, about his 'leaving home', as Kylo so lightly put it, but he held off.

"How are your wounds healing up?", Hux asked instead, and immediately felt ridiculous. It was a stupid question to ask, but he couldn't think of anything else to say. Sitting here in the early morning with Kylo Ren, unmasked, eating and talking just like two normal people, was mildly terrifying.

"Why?", Kylo asked, his shoulders tensed. Suspicion jumped into his face. His reaction to such a simple question gave Hux the impression that he wasn't accustomed to others inquiring (or caring) about his well-being.

"I just wanted to know," Hux said lightly, looking down and occupying himself with a jewel-fruit danish. After a few moments, seemingly after seeing that Hux meant no harm in asking, Kylo relaxed.

"I'm very sore, but I'll live, I suppose. I'm a little bothered that the scar is as big as it is, but it could be much worse."

"It's not that noticeable," Hux told him, peering at his face. "And at any rate you wear your helmet anyway, so nobody will notice."

"What?", Kylo asked him, looking confused. "That's not the scar I'm talking about. I meant _this_ ," he said, standing up and lifting his shirt gingerly up his side.

A long, wide, angry-looking red scar ran from his hips to his rib cage. Hux stared at it, fascinated. Bacta treatments or not, that looked like it truly hurt. He wasn't sure how Kylo was even moving around, with an injury like that. If it had been Hux, he would have stayed in his bunk for a week.

Also, despite himself, he couldn't help his eyes wandering from the scar to Kylo's impressively-sculpted abdominal muscles. This was something he never would have noticed before, covered as Kylo always was by the voluminous robes and wrappings. He was **fit**.

Hux looked away quickly as he realized Kylo was speaking to him.

"I'm hoping the pain goes away quickly, so I can resume the more rigorous parts of my training as soon as possible," Kylo was saying, rolling his shirt back down as he sat back in the chair. He picked up his glass of liquor and took a sip. "I hate not being able to fully train; it makes me feel restless."

"I understand, a little. Getting all these new procedures and schedules into place has been exhausting for me. I feel like I'm busy every second of every day."

"You have assistants, don't you?"

Hux nodded.

"Maybe you should entrust more to them, and relax a bit, yourself.

Hux bit into a slice of gelmeat before responding.

"Relaxation -- is not in my programming. Neither is not worrying. About everything. And my father always said, assistants or not, never fully trust anything that you haven't done by your own hand. I worry all the time."

"I know that; I can _hear_ you all the time."

Hux looked up at him in surprise. "You're spying on me? I can't say that idea is particularly comforting, Ren."

"Not spying, hearing. I can't help it, I hear everyone's thoughts almost constantly. Most people I can tune out, but _your_ mind is stubborn. It's constantly racing, planning, worrying. I can't say that's very healthy."

"Forgive me, but you're not really the one to lecture me on healthy/unhealthy, are you?"

"Forgive ME, but _you_ aren't one to lecture on lecturing, at all, considering that's **all** you do, every day."

Hux had been in the middle of taking another swig of his drink, but now he had to clasp his hand hard over his mouth, to keep from spitting the liquid out in the fit of laughter that followed Kylo's words.

Kylo noticed his struggle and began to laugh himself, and again, Hux couldn't help but notice how wonderful that sounded: the two of them laughing.

Together.

"It's not 'lecturing', its 'leadership'," Hux told him after he had calmed down.

"Leadership. Right. Well, fortunately for me, 'leadership' skills aren't exactly needed when you carry a lightsaber."

"With it or without it, I don't think anyone would attempt to cross you, anyway. After all, you clearly don't need that fire-stick to choke people, do you?"

Kylo sighed. "No, I suppose not."

He picked up his glass and downed the remainder of his drink, grimacing at the heavy burn that caused. He put his glass back down and stood up.

"I think--I think I should go. Let you get some rest," he said, and Hux noticed that, even though Kylo was no longer looking directly at him, his eyes had taken on a very clouded look. Almost as if he felt he had been having too good a time, with Hux, and that it needed to end. "Thank you for the food."

Hux merely nodded, mechanically putting the cover back over the plate.

"Kylo?"

"Yes?", he said, still not looking Hux in the eye.

"It was really _nice_ , talking to **you** ", he said, putting emphasis on the word 'you' so that Kylo might understand that he meant without the helmet.

Kylo looked up at that, and for a brief moment his eyes fastened on Hux's. For just a second, just a single bare moment, the shadows lifted, and Hux could see clear into the tall, confusing man. There for the briefest amount of time, then gone again.

Then Kylo smiled, and Hux was sure that he understood.

"Thank you," he said, before turning away. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Hux replied, watching as Kylo walked out the door and headed to his bunk.

A few minutes later, finally feeling tired enough to sleep, Hux went to his own.

\---

Hux sat in his quarters, trying to find the enthusiasm to go to his office, and get started on the work of the day. It was hard to find the motivation, sometimes; and sometimes he needed a little extra time in the mornings to gear up his mental facilities for both the trivial and the challenging aspects of his day.

Today, however, it was less about a lack of gumption and more about an embarrassing inability to stop daydreaming.

About--Kylo.

Ever since that night when he had seen Kylo without his helmet, the night they had eaten, had talked, had laughed--Hux had been thinking about him, in a way that was probably quite unhealthy.

But he couldn't deny his repetitive thoughts to himself, as much as he wanted to.

He hadn't seen Ren without the helmet since that day, and they had had no more personal encounters. But Hux couldn't stop thinking about the face, the abs, the voice--everything.

Physically, Kylo Ren was extremely attractive.

And, physically, Hux was extremely attracted _to_ him.

Which was odd, and unsettling , to say the least. Hux had never had a physical attraction to another man, before; he hadn't thought such a thing could be possible, for him.

He found himself wondering what it would be like, running his hand along the taut, muscular abs. To stroke the luscious hair. To--to KISS the soft-looking lips.

. . . to do other things.

But what "other things" entailed, Hux had no idea.

And, thinking about it harder, he realized that even if he knew what to do, and Ren, by some miracle, wanted to do those things with him--he didn't feel like he'd be able to go through with it.

Hux hadn't much experience with romance in the past, but he had had enough to know that he believed in traditional means of courtship. Singular, one on one outings where you get to know the other person, and gradually work your way up to "other things".

Yet even as he thought all this, Hux had to stop and laugh to himself. Outings? Courtship?!

A man of his rank, and Kylo's rank, did not have time for the trite, perfunctory rituals of mating that other individuals did. Those sort of things might be acceptable for the Captains, even the Lieutenants . . . 

. . . but for the General? For the Lord?

Certainly not.

And even if it were possible, and acceptable . . . 

_Kylo would have no interest in me, anyway._ , Hux thought sadly to himself.

_Ah, well, its ultimately better this way. Creatures like me, like Kylo, do better alone._

So he forcefully pushed his silly musings out of his mind, and headed towards his office. There was work to be done, after all.

\---

Words.

For a man who wasn't very good with words when they came in a verbal setting, Kylo Ren was very verbose when it came to writing them down.

This was a new form of "therapudic training" that had been set upon him by Snoke. Kylo's Master recognized that his apprentice needed help overcoming lingering doubts and fears he had concerning Starkiller, and the events that had transpired there. He also saw that Ren needed some way of getting his feelings out, so that they weren't festering inside of him.

So in came the journal.

Snoke had procured for him an old fashioned item called a notebook, a small, rectangular thing made up of paper, bound together between two hard leather covers.

Snoke instructed Kylo to write, physically write, in this device whenever he felt angry, or sad, or anything at all.

Kylo was dismayed at first, thinking that writing something down was not going to influence his mood one way or another. Yet, gradually, over the course of many weeks, he found himself becoming more and more adapted to this odd practice.

Instead of writing solely when he was experiencing some inner strife, he wrote practically every day, simply ABOUT his day. Good things, bad things, boring, exciting, and tedious things.

He knew that some people would commit down specific times and dates when they wrote, but Kylo saw no point in that. He'd know the date in question simply by reading the event of same given day.

Another practice that he DID follow, however, was assigning a name to the journal. 

He called his "Leia".

After awhile, he felt more and more like he wasn't just writing to an inanimate object, but letters to his mother.

He was in his quarters now, at the end of another long day. He sat down at his table, licking the tip of the pen and preparing to write.

_Leia,_

_Something different last week. Finally, something different. REAL food, and drink, for first time in forever. Came from Hux, of all people. Very odd, but one doesn't complain about unexpected gifts of sustenance._

_Before food, looked at the maps again. Old, not new. Paper. Still, nothing. It's very frustrating; I can see that island in my head as if I were THERE, but not on any karking maps. Well, I'll keep looking._

_Speaking of looking, and seeing: the night of the real food, Hux saw me. My face. First time ever, I believe. He was staring, hard. Very rude; I know I'm not physically pleasing but to stare at ugliness is rude. I think he knew it, too; likely why he offered me food._

_Was very tired, don't remember much of conversation, but I remember we laughed. LAUGHED. I haven't laughed in a very long time. At the end, he said it was nice talking to me, and I left. Was so tired._

_Always feel tired, lately. Meeting today, almost fell asleep. So dull, so repetitive. Going over the same things over and over seems counterproductive but those concerns belong to Hux, and Snoke; not me._

_Mission to Armey'aan in 2 days. F.O has taken over every planet in that system but A-. Snoke sending me and troopers to negotiate. "Negotiate". I hope they yield; to resist means destruction. Swift, instant, brutal._

_I can handle killing men but I still feel remorse for women and children. Snoke would 'recondition' me if he knew that, but it's true._

_Enough for tonight._

\---

Hux could hear the noise even before he turned the corner. Stormtroopers walked quickly past him, hurrying as animals do to escape a fire. 

He sighed as he rounded the corner and came upon the very familiar sight of Kylo Ren, Force-choking one of the hapless fools who had happened to cross his path at the wrong time.

To say something was futile. Hux knew this, so he simply turned in the opposite direction and went back to his office, preparing for his last meeting of the day.

Later, much later, he began his final walk-through of the evening, before he retired to his quarters.

As he passed along the west corridor, he once again saw the light on, under the map room door, which was slightly ajar. 

He was in there, again.

Hux looked through the crack in the door, and could see that Kylo was, _again_ , sans helmet. He could feel that Kylo wanted to be alone, but the attraction of seeing his face again was simply too powerful for Hux to resist.

So he crept in, as silently as he could. Luckily Kylo had music playing on the audio system, so Hux's footsteps were mostly muffled.

He stood a fair distance behind Kylo, watching him as he pawed back and forth over the maps, muttering to himself.

Hux waited a few more seconds, then said, softly,

"Good evening, Ren."

Kylo whirled around so fast that he almost fell off the stool he was perched on. When he saw who it was, he scowled at him.

"Maker, General, have you nothing better to do than sneak up on me at night? Is this going to become a hobby of yours?"

Ignoring the question, Hux tilted his head and asked, "What are you listening to? I don't believe I'm familiar with this."

Turning back to the maps, Kylo said, clearly irritated, "It's from a Terran composed named Debussy. This piece is called Clair de Lune. Means "light of the moon", or, simply, moonlight."

Hux smiled. "Well, its quite beautiful. Odd, but beautiful."

Kylo nodded but said nothing, still poring over his maps. 

"I see that you're 'reading' again."

"Nothing gets by you, does it?", Kylo asked him in a sarcastic tone.

Before Hux could respond, his datapad began to beep. Hux pulled it out to see what he was being alerted to, and let out a heavy groan.

Without leaving the room, he put in a call to maintenance, dispatching them to the lower hall stormtroopers refresher, where the water pipe had burst in the shower. 

Again.

When he was done, he sighed and turned to leave, when Kylo turned around on his stool and faced him.

"Breathe."

"Excuse me?"

"Breathe. Just breathe. Your heart rate is too fast."

"How would you know what my heart rate is? I wasn't aware you were a medical doctor, Lord Ren."

"Be that as it may, I can FEEL your irritation. Internal strife leads to adverse physical symptoms, such as headaches, elevated blood pressure, and an accelerated heart rate. So, again, breathe."

"I still don't think that--"

Kylo got off of the stool and came towards Hux. He grabbed his arm and pressed two of his fingers against the vein of Hux's wrist.

Hux was so surprised to actually be touched that he knew, without asking, that his heart sped up even harder, although this time for a completely different reason.

Kylo frowned. "Maker, your pulse! If you don't calm yourself you'll end up in Med Bay for sure."

He let go and went back to his stool. "I wouldn't care, you understand, except that your being incapacitated would likely lead to me having to take over your duties until you regained wellness. And no, thank you, to that inevitability."

Now Hux laughed. 

"I would hate for my illness to in some way inconvenience YOU; so, I'll take your advice, breathe, and go to bed. Good evening."

Kylo nodded in his direction and continued with his 'reading'.

Hux walked down the hallway, holding the wrist that Ren had held, smiling.

\---

_Leia,_

_There are times when I miss being at home more than anything. There are times when I miss being Ben Solo, more than ANYTHING._

_And I miss you, and I miss Han, more than anything._

_I've heard the saying "Ignorance is bliss" many times in my life, but I think perhaps now, at 32 years old, is the first time I'm truly understanding that. I was happy when I was ignorant. When I thought Bail and Breh Organa were my maternal grandparents. When I thought Luke could help me control the anger and the pain inside of me. When I thought so MANY things._

_I've also heard the saying, "The truth will set you free". I'm not sure if I believe that. I feel the truth has ensnared me, and there is no escaping it._

_The concept of going home is vast and confusing, but sometimes, so DESIRED that it fills me until nothing else is left. Physically, I could return home. Mentally, it is an impossibility._

_I can never be that boy I once was. I've seen too much, and I've done too much._

_Han Solo tried to convince me that I could come home. That day on the bridge. THE day. He said you both missed me._

_Missed me?  
Missed?_

_Did you miss me, Leia, when you sent me to Luke, without choice and without remorse? Did you miss me while you spent 12 or more hours a day, every day, in the Senate? Did Han miss me while he was speeding across the galaxy with Chewbacca in the Falcon? Did he miss me in the Cantinas, at the card tables, or that time he stayed negotiating a hauling price for Rathtars in the city next to Luke's temple for EIGHT DAYS but never once came to see his son?_

_Well, if either of you did miss me, you were mistaken on WHO you missed._

_You missed the boy. You couldn't have accepted the man, THIS man. I feel grief for Han Solo and I feel grief for Kylo Ren, who killed him. It was necessary but I feel grief._

_Not everything was bad.  
Not everything. _

_Not everything._

\---

Kylo sat in his quarters, shades drawn, across from the helmet of Darth Vader. He stared. 

He tried to get a sense for the man that had worn this, and the rest of his mechanical construct. More machine than man, his mother had told him, once.

Kylo felt a little bit, what that must be like. He was losing his humanity, his soul, a little more every day. The Kylo Ren part of him was fine with this, and encouraged it. The Ben Solo part was worried, and fading.

Ben Solo.

When he had stopped going by this name, he thought the life attached to it would be just as easy to cast aside. Not so; not so, at all.

Snoke kept him training, pushing painfully to the very limits of his physical, emotional and spiritual strength, to drive Ben Solo out. 

Yet every time Kylo was sure that he was dead, that he had been successfully snuffed from existence . . .

"Grandfather, please, help me. Guide me. Show me the power of the darkness. Help me to fulfill my destiny."

Nothing.

Kylo sighed, then bowed his head reverently before standing and exiting the room.

He had training to do.

\---

Mid-week, and for once, activity was slow on base.

Kylo strode down the hallway, watching with a detached interest as people scrambled to move out of his path. He was on his way to Hux's office. Snoke had informed him that he wished the two of them to collaborate on an upcoming raid, and, irritatingly, Hux had not responded to any of Kylo's data pad messages on the subject this morning.

Being in the same room as the redhead had become an odd experience, as of late. The man always seemed to be staring at Kylo, not looking but _staring_ , and Kylo Ren couldn't figure out why.

Odder still, when Kylo reached out to pull the reason out of his mind, he was met with the mental equivalent of a blank wall. It was unlikely that the General simply had no thoughts in his head; but it was somewhat unbelievable that he could have taught himself how to shield. 

Yet that must be the case; he was deliberately and successfully shielding, hiding, something from Kylo. Because Kylo could hear him just fine at other times, planning meetings, strategizing attacks, organizing, everything else he had come to expect from him.

But the minute he entered the same room as him, all the words faded into nothing, into silence.

It was frustrating, and it made Kylo suspicious and irritable. What could he be hiding from him? From Kylo Ren, specifically?

Kylo sighed as he got closer to Hux's office door. Maybe he was just being paranoid.

He knocked, but there was no answer. He pushed the button to open the door, and stood in the doorway a few seconds, taking in an unusual sight before him.

Hux was at his desk, as always; but that was the only thing normal about the situation.

His head was on his desk, his eyes open and staring into the corner.

"Hux?", Kylo asked, approaching him slowly, cautiously. "Are you ill?"

Hux didn't answer, but his eyes flickered just slightly in Kylo's direction. Kylo noticed how shallowly he was breathing.

Suddenly, something occurred to him, some memory from a very long time ago.

He turned and walked out quickly, to the mess hall. He strode into the kitchen and to one of the conservators, until he found some jogan fruit juice. He also found loose slabs of chocolate stored on a shelf. He poured a glass of juice and stuck the chocolate in his pocket, and hurried back to Hux's office.

Hux was the same way he had found him.

He shut Hux's door and locked it. He set down the juice in order to take off his helmet. Then he got close to Hux, and gently sat him up straight. He put the glass to his lips and waited patiently for him to swallow. It was difficult at first; the clear liquid ran in one corner of Hux's mouth to the other until Kylo could manage to make the tiniest sip go in. Bit by bit, he got the entire glass down Hux's throat.

By this time Hux's eyes had focused, and he was able to hold himself up, moaning a little.

He was surprised to find Kylo Ren in the room, unmasked, his hand steadying against his back, and looking at him anxiously.

"What happened?"

Kylo moved away from Hux and put some distance between them. 

"You had low blood sugar. I got some juice in you."

Hux looked at the empty glass, then back at Kylo. He was confused, tired, and more than a little embarrassed.

"How did you--"

"My mother had similar episodes when I was a child. It got bad when she was very agitated."

Hux nodded, still feeling embarrassed.

"Thank you, Ren," he said, truly appreciative. It was embarrassing, yes, to have Kylo Ren find him in this state; but it would have been far worse for a subordinate to have done so.

"Here," Kylo was saying now, sliding a small package across the desk to him. "Its chocolate. It'll absorb into the blood stream slower than the juice, but it's good to keep the levels up."

Hux nodded and took it, opening it and putting a small corner of it into his mouth. He closed his eyes and chewed; while he felt better, he was still quite tired.

Kylo watched him for a few moments, then said, quietly, "Maybe you should go back to your quarters. Get some rest."

Hux shook his head vigorously, popping in another piece of chocolate. 

"I have a lot to do today, Ren. I can't just go home because I don't feel well."

Kylo shook his head and sighed. "Who's your assistant?"

"I have several."

"Who's your most responsible one?"

"Captain Genina."

"Page her in here."

"Why?"

"Just do it, please."

Hux sighed and tapped a message into his data pad for Genina, then sat back and closed his eyes again.

The woman knocked a few moments later, and Kylo called "Enter."

Hux opened his eyes when he realized that Kylo was still standing there, WITHOUT his helmet on. 

Genina did a literal double-take, upon seeing Kylo's face.

"Good morning, General, Lord Ren," she said, still looking at Kylo's face. "What can I do for you?"

"We have a slight problem, Captain," Kylo answered for Hux; and Genina's eyes went even wider, hearing him speak. "I'm afraid the General isn't feeling well. Do you have it in you, to take over his assignments for the day?"

"I-I-Uh-"

Now Kylo smiled and stepped closer to the woman, and Hux could almost swear he could hear the wild pump of her heartbeat.

"You look like an intelligent woman," he said in a low voice, getting a huge smile from her. "I have confidence in you."

She nodded eagerly, and then turned to Hux, getting the information from him on what he wanted her to do in his place.

As Hux spoke to her in detail, Kylo's eyes widened.

Hux's shield had broken.

Just a bit, just the tiniest fraction of weakening, but it had been enough. A thought had rushed out through the armor, and what it entailed confused Kylo immensely.

_Using that smile of his on this poor woman; very unfair. Letting her see his entire face, well, she'll be dreaming about it, now, for weeks._

That was it, but it opened up a confusing channel in Kylo's own head.

Did Hux -- Hux couldn't possibly find him physically attractive, could he? No. Of course not.

But the tone in his brain had been one of sympathetic empathy for the woman, as if--as if Hux himself knew what it was like, to be dreaming about Kylo's face.

Bizarre.

And surely an interpretive mistake, on Kylo's part.

By now Hux and he woman had finished, and Hux was thanking her, putting on his overcoat and preparing to leave. He walked out the door, and Kylo followed him. He told himself that he was just being responsible, making sure Hux got to his quarters all right, but that wasn't really it, at all.

He wanted to test his theory.

He had his helmet back on, now, as they strode the halls, and Hux had his shield back in place. 

What should have been a short journey took much longer than expected, as Hux was stopped by multiple people along the way. Kylo admired the man's patience in dealing with others, but once again found himself thankful that no one felt comfortable to approach HIM in such ways.

When they made it to his door, Hux turned to thank him, and it happened again. A tiny chink appeared in the shield, and Kylo was treated to another hidden thought; this one, a picture. Hux was envisioning himself putting his hand on Kylo's arm, and inviting him in.

A second later, Hux surprised him further by doing just that.

Hux's quarters were entirely reminiscent of Hux himself: quiet, neat, and orderly. The layout was the same as it was in Kylo's own quarters, but he could see that Hux took better care of his furniture.

"Make yourself at home," Hux told him, flipping on the lights as he went into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Alright," Kylo answered him, sitting down on the sofa. There was something strange on the little table in front of him; a wooden board, with colored squares. On top of it sat a variety of pieces, in different shapes. He picked up one of the pieces, which appeared to be an animal of some sort, and examined it closely.

Hux came back in with two mugs of sweet caff, one of which he handed to Kylo.

"What IS this?", he asked curiously, gesturing to the board with his free hand.

"Ah, that. I traded for it on the last mission I was on. Really odd shopkeeper. It's apparently a game, called 'Chess'."

"Chess?", Kylo repeated the strange word carefully. "How do you play?"

"I'm still not entirely sure, to be honest. The shopkeeper gave me an instruction booklet but I haven't had much opportunity to read it. As far as I can tell, each individual piece has a specific direction, or number of spaces, it can move. Minor goal is to take out members of the opposing side, major objective is to corner and capture the opposing King."

Kylo took another sip of his caff. "Very intriguing. If you ever fully learn how to play, you need to teach me. Then we could play against each other."

"It's a deal."

They talked for a while about the raid they were sending a squad on, in a very casual way. All the while they were talking, Kylo was thinking. He wasn't very practiced with being charming on purpose. It made him feel awkward, and foolish; but he was determined to go through with this.

As casually as he could, during the course of their conversation, he inched closer and closer to Hux, until he was a hands length away from him. 

Hux was so engrossed in his strategizing that he didn't seem to notice; so Kylo reached out and put his hand on his arm.

"Can I ask you something?"

Another break in the shield. Kylo could hear that Hux's mind went into a tailspin at his touch--and had his face gone a bit pink?

"Y-yes?"

Kylo leaned even closer and put his face close to Hux's neck.

Hux's thoughts went so wild that Kylo couldn't even make out individual words. He smiled, closed his eyes, and breathed in deep.

"You smell nice. You always smell nice. What do you use?"

As he pulled away, Hux's face had gone from a mellow pink to a deep, flushed red. It took him a few moments to gather himself to answer.

"Nothing. I think you're smelling my pipe smoke."

"You smoke? I didn't know that."

Hux nodded. His face had lost some of the color, returning mostly to normal, now that Kylo wasn't quite so close.

"I do. I'm trying to quit, though. It's a bad habit."

Kylo smiled at that, and shook his head. "We all have 'bad habits', don't we?"

Before Hux could respond, Kylo had another idea.

He pulled off his glove, leaned over, and slowly put his hand on Hux's cheek.

Hux's thoughts went so fast it actually made Kylo feel dizzy. Everything was a loud, frenzied blur.

"What are you doing?", he asked. His voice had gone low and slightly shaky, a huge switch from his normal calm, confident tone.

"You look like you're on the verge of being sick," Kylo answered, slowly pulling his hand away. "I'm just trying to evaluate whether I need to bring you to Med Bay."

Hux stood up so fast he nearly knocked his drink off of the table. His face was a confusing blend of excited and terrified.

"I'm fine. I, uh, I'm just quite tired. I don't mean to be rude, but --"

Kylo stood up too, nodding.

"No, no, it's alright. I'll go, let you get some rest."

Hux walked him silently to the door. His mind had reverted back to the blank wall.

When they reached the door, Kylo turned and faced him.

"If you do feel like you need Med Bay, or if there's anything else you need, don't hesitate to contact me."

Cautiously, timidly, Hux patted Kylo's arm.

"Thank you, Ren."

When he was out in the hallway, Kylo stood for a few seconds looking at Hux's closed door. He was confused; both about Hux, and his own feelings towards him.

Confused.

\---

_Leia,_

_Again, something new. I finally broke through the General's mental wall. I believe I was right the first time; he WAS shielding from me. But the reason is so unbelievable that I hesitate to write it here. I think, I believe, Hux has some kind of feelings for me. I think he is in some way attracted to me._

_Odd._

_But these past few weeks have left me with no other conclusion to draw from his actions and thoughts._

_I don't know how I feel about this.  
I genuinely do not know._

_Another of those times I wish I could speak with you face to face, Leia. You've made mistakes but you were always the one person I could go to for advice._

_Then again, I'm likely wrong about Hux. Who could desire somebody like me? Physically, emotionally, romantically, or any other way?_

\---

Hux walked into a disaster.

Two of the tables in the conference room were overturned, a water pitcher was smashed on the floor, and the walls bore several deep, smouldering slash marks.

Hux looked around in disbelief, then calmly took out his data pad and began sending orders for maintenance to come and clean up, and assess the damage.

As he was typing, Kylo Ren came into the room. He has his lightsaber on him, lit, and screamed as he slashed one of the still-intact tables in half.

He barely took notice of Hux as he turned and cut into one of the system computers in the corner.

"Ren!", Hux roared, finally finding his voice, "What is the meaning of this?!"

"'What is the meaning of this?'", Kylo repeated the words back to him in a mocking tone. "The meaning is that I've lost something extremely important, and I need to find it, NOW."

Hux took a deep breath. "You losing something is no excuse for you to tear apart my conference room!"

He quickly regained control of himself and cautiously put his hand on Kylo's arm. A dangerous thing to do, considering he was still holding his saber.

"Please, put that away, and I'll help you look for whatever you lost. Okay?"

Remarkably, Kylo seemed to calm down. He switched off his saber and clipped it back into his belt. 

"I'm sorry," he said in a low voice. "I'll call maintenance."

"I already called. Now what have you lost?"

But Kylo just shook his head. 

"I can't tell you. It's--it's personal."

And he strode from the room without another word.

Hux didn't see any more of him for the rest of the day. Thankfully, Kylo's search didn't result in any more damage to the base.

At the end of his night, Hux walked, as usual, by the map room.

The light was off but the door was slightly ajar. Without much thought about why, Hux stepped inside. Some pull of intuition made him turn on the lights and go searching around the room.

In the second shelf of maps was a small, rectangular object. Hux picked it up curiously. He had heard of these sort of old fashioned writing devices before; he believed it was what was called a journal.

He opened it, to try and figure out where or who it might have come from.

Whoever this was, the handwriting was horrifically sloppy. The words dipped and ran into each other throughout the pages. Hux had to really squint and concentrate to decipher individual words.

He wasn't sure, but this journal seemed to be a receptacle for writing letters to another person. There were no times or dates, but each entry was separated by one blank page, and each one began with one word: Leia.

Wait.

_Wait._

Wasn't Kylo's mother's name Leia? Leia Organa?

This thing must be Kylo's. Likely what he was tearing around looking for earlier.

Hux started to slip the journal into his pocket, to bring to Kylo, when he stopped himself.

As wrong as it felt--

\-- this was his opportunity to get into Kylo's mind, a little.

Making sure the door was closed, he sat down in the chair and started to read. 

Most of the thoughts that Kylo committed to this notebook, floored Hux. He spoke a great deal about the past, about pain and regret. He wrote about his fears for the future. The more Hux read, the closer he felt to Kylo.

The man -- he was more than just good looks.

 _So_ much more.

He was sensitive, and a deep thinker. Apparently he observed more, and _felt_ more, than he ever let on.

Hux's breath caught, when he came upon some of the later entries, and read his own name. Apparently, Kylo knew that Hux was physically attracted to him, although his words indicated that he didn't understand why.

Thinking about it, Hux decided to make a risky move.

He turned to the page after Kylo's very last entry, and began to write.

 

**Kylo,**

**Your lack of times and/or dates when writing down your thoughts is appalling. I wouldn't be able to do that; I would need to know exactly when it was I thought, or felt, something. But I suppose I'm not one to speak of "appalling"; after all, here I am reading YOUR private journal. Without your permission. And writing a response to your thoughts.**

**Obviously, naturally, times and dates aren't the things I need to address here, but I am unsure as to how to go about the heart of the matter.**

**Kylo, we've known each other for several years, but we don't truly "know" each other, at all. I would like to change that. I want to get to know you on a level that's above our workplace relationship, that's more than strictly 'professional'.**

**Your entries indicate that you're aware that I have an attraction to you. But you seem unsure as to WHY. Allow me to clear some of that up for you: you, are amazing. In every sense of the word.**

**You're handsome, you're smart, and you're strong. You have an incredible gift and presence in the Force. You can even be funny, at times, when you let yourself go.**

**You and I are similar creatures, you know. Both of us have a tendency to hide our true feelings, and to push away from things that scare us. The idea of forming any kind of close personal relationship with another person has always terrified me, so I run from it.**

**With you, I want to stop running.**

**I'm leaving this journal where you can find it. I'm also writing down the exact time and date (see how useful that is?).**

**I'd really like to talk to you in person, Kylo. Look at the time I wrote, and, if you're interested, meet me in my office at this same time tomorrow.**

**I hope you'll come.**

**How do people end letters? With "From", and then your name? Or with "Love"? In this case, I think I'll pick a different word: Fondly.**

**So:**

**Fondly,  
Hux.**

 

He read over his words, once, twice. Then he tucked the journal into his pocket and headed in the direction of the quarters, towards Kylo's abode.

He steeled himself, then slid the journal under the door. He marched away, quickly, before he could change his mind.

\---

Hux was a basket of nerves the next day. 

He saw Kylo several times, at meetings, but the tall man didn't act any differently towards him than normal. Hux began to wonder if he had somehow not seen the journal on his floor, or perhaps had not read Hux's entry in it.

Towards the end of the evening, Hux sat dejectedly in his office. It was almost half an hour past the time he had written Kylo to meet him.

He must not have seen it.

Or, worse, he had seen, but was not interested in Hux.

He sighed, about to get up and go back to his quarters, when a light tapping came on the door.

"Yes?"

Kylo entered slowly, sans helmet, looking at Hux.

He was clutching his journal in front of him.

And he was smiling.


End file.
